When Jonathan Harker visits Trans-ylvania to help Count Dragula purchase a London house, he makes some horrifying discoveries in his client's castle (including the wearing of espadrilles without irony) and the local area, where people insist on behaving bizarrely, festooning him with garlic and blethering on about a 'fierce queen', although perhaps something is getting lost in translation. They shout out to him: 'good luck, and don't get slurped up!'. It's about to get even weirder at the castle where there is a battle of wills going on between the mysterious Count and what he terms, the 'blood-sucking b*tches!' in the village, led by the infamous van High-Heelsing. But who will prevail on the runway? As each kween sashays towards the jugular, the reader is taken on a journey to the ultimate lip sync for your life finale.